Parenting Dilemma: Beer And Sons

Whether or not to let your son drink beer is a complex question that has been the subject of much debate. On the one hand, some parents believe that introducing their children to alcohol in a controlled setting can teach them about drinking responsibly and foster a healthy attitude towards alcohol. This is often referred to as the European model. On the other hand, studies have shown that children who have sipped alcohol by the sixth grade are more likely to start drinking earlier and to abuse alcohol. Additionally, parents are a frequently cited source of alcohol for pre-adolescents, and providing alcohol to minors is illegal in many places. Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to let your son drink beer is a personal one that should take into account various factors, including your son's age, maturity, and family history with alcohol.

Teaching teens how to drink alcohol

Start with an Open Conversation

Initiate an open and honest conversation with your teen about alcohol. Discuss your family's values and rules regarding alcohol consumption. Explain the potential risks and consequences of drinking, including the legal and health implications. Encourage your teen to ask questions and share their thoughts and concerns. This dialogue will help you understand their knowledge and attitudes towards alcohol.

Set Clear Expectations and Rules

Establish clear rules and expectations around alcohol consumption. Communicate your expectations for responsible drinking, including moderation and avoiding drunkenness. Define the amount and frequency of alcohol consumption that you consider appropriate for their age. Discuss the importance of never drinking and driving, and emphasize that they should always have a designated driver or alternative transportation arranged.

Provide Education on Alcohol

Teach your teens about different types of alcohol, including beer, wine, and spirits. Explain the effects of alcohol on the body and the varying strengths of different beverages. Help them understand the concept of standard drinks and how to pace themselves to avoid overconsumption. You can also discuss the cultural and social aspects of alcohol, such as toasting at special occasions or enjoying a drink with a meal.

Model Responsible Drinking

As a parent, you are a role model for your teen. When drinking alcohol yourself, demonstrate responsible behavior. Show them what moderate drinking looks like by enjoying a drink or two but never getting intoxicated. Explain your drinking habits and the reasons behind them, such as choosing lower-alcohol beverages or alternating alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic ones. Be transparent about the effects of alcohol on your behavior, and emphasize the importance of always acting responsibly.

Practice Harm Reduction Strategies

While you may not be able to prevent your teen from drinking altogether, you can teach them harm reduction strategies to minimize risks. Encourage them to eat before drinking and to alternate alcoholic drinks with water or other non-alcoholic beverages. Discuss strategies for refusing drinks or leaving a situation if they feel uncomfortable. Emphasize the importance of staying with their friends and looking out for each other when drinking.

Offer Alternatives to Alcohol

Provide your teens with appealing alternatives to alcohol. Suggest fun activities that do not involve drinking, such as sports, hobbies, or social events. Offer non-alcoholic beverage options that they can enjoy with their friends, like mocktails, fancy sodas, or fun juice mixes. This helps them understand that alcohol is not necessary for having a good time.

Remember, the goal is to equip your teens with the knowledge and skills to make informed and responsible choices about alcohol. By providing guidance and education, you can help them develop a healthy and respectful relationship with alcohol.

Drinking on special occasions

Safety and Supervision

The safety of your son is paramount. If you decide to allow him to drink on special occasions, ensure that he is in a safe environment and that you or another trusted adult can monitor his behaviour and alcohol consumption. This supervision can help prevent him from drinking excessively and reduce the risk of any alcohol-related harm.

Family Influence and Cultural Traditions

Teaching Responsible Drinking

Some parents believe that allowing teens to drink alcohol in a controlled setting, such as at home with family, can teach them how to drink responsibly. This approach aims to demystify alcohol and introduce teens to drinking in moderation before they are exposed to outside influences or leave home. However, it's essential to recognise that early drinking is associated with an increased risk of developing drinking problems later in life.

Communication and Relationship

Open and honest communication with your son is crucial. Discuss your expectations, set clear rules, and explain the potential risks and consequences of alcohol consumption. By creating an environment where your son feels comfortable talking to you about drinking, you can help foster a positive relationship and encourage responsible decision-making.

Alternative Strategies

If you decide not to allow your son to drink on special occasions, it's important to have alternative strategies in place. This could include offering non-alcoholic beverages, providing age-appropriate education about alcohol, and modelling responsible drinking behaviour yourself. Additionally, consider the impact of your own drinking on your parenting style during these occasions, as alcohol can affect your supervision and discipline strategies.

Ultimately, the decision to allow your son to drink beer on special occasions is a personal one. It is essential to weigh the potential benefits against the risks and make a choice that aligns with your values and parenting goals. Remember that drinking is not the only way to celebrate, and there are alternative ways to create special memories with your family.

Drinking to preserve tradition

Parents who allow their teens to drink for this reason often want their children to share the same experiences they had while growing up. They believe that drinking at home with family can teach children how to drink responsibly and appreciate certain types of alcohol. Some parents also believe that letting their children try alcohol will demystify it and teach them how to appreciate it.

Additionally, some parents of European descent notice a difference in the drinking behaviour of European kids, who tend to start drinking at a younger age but in moderation. They observe that drinking is often a social activity and that most European kids do not drink excessively. As a result, they believe that European customs teach children how to drink in moderation.

While some parents may allow their teens to drink to preserve tradition and teach responsibility, it is important to note that providing alcohol to minors is illegal in many places. Parents should also be aware of the potential risks and dangers associated with underage drinking, such as drunk driving, exposure to violence, sexual assault, and unprotected sex.

Parents feeling pressured to let their teens drink

It is not uncommon for parents to feel pressured to let their teens drink. In a study of parents of teens aged 15-18, about a third of parents (31%) allowed their teens to drink alcohol, with many making exceptions to their no-drinking rule on special occasions.

Some parents (10 out of 44) reported feeling pressured by other adults to let their teen drink. For example, one mother described how her son was offered alcohol at a family celebration without her consent, and she felt uncomfortable but didn't want to go against the other parents. Another mother felt pressured when her husband and daughter wanted to play a game of beer pong at home.

Parents may also feel pressured when there are older siblings who are allowed to drink, not wanting to make their younger teen feel excluded. Additionally, some parents worry that forbidding teens to drink will harm their relationship and push them towards unsupervised drinking. They fear that if they are too strict, their teen will not feel comfortable calling them for a ride if they have been drinking or need help.

However, it is important to note that providing alcohol to minors is illegal in many places, and parents should be educated about the potential misperceptions and dangers associated with underage drinking.

Fear of harming the parent-teen relationship

Many parents fear that forbidding their teens to drink will negatively impact their relationship with their child. This fear is one of the primary reasons why parents allow underage drinking. Parents worry that if they are too strict about their underage drinking rules, their teen will rebel and drink anyway, or not tell them what is going on in their life.

Some parents feel that it is best to teach their teen how to make good decisions, rather than imposing strict rules. For instance, a mother stressed that all that she could hope for was that her son used good judgment while under the influence of alcohol:

> "If you put in a rule that's really firm, it's not realistic. If you say, for example, to a kid 'You can't have sex until you get married,' it's not necessarily [that] they're going to hold to that. They're going to have sex when they want to and they're just not going to talk to you about it. So, you have to raise them with wisdom. I feel the same about drinking. If you say, 'don't drink until you're 21' and you're so rigid about it, they're just not going to talk to you. So, you have to kind of raise them with wisdom like, 'You know, if you ever get into a situation, call me,' because I'd rather have a drunk kid alive than a dead kid."

Some parents also worry that if they forbid drinking, their teen will not call them for a ride if they need one. These parents prefer that their teen call them for a ride if they are inebriated or stay overnight at a friend's rather than drive home.

Additionally, some parents believe that drinking with their teen can be a form of bonding and a way to teach them about drinking responsibly. They feel that it is better to introduce their teen to alcohol in a controlled and safe setting, rather than letting them learn about it from their peers. As one father put it:

> "I figure that I'd rather have 'em learn how to drink properly at home, with us, than learn with a bunch of teenagers who just guzzle beer... and throw up. So that was my reason and I figure it's just sort of a family thing and it just seems like a pretty harmless thing."

Frequently asked questions